I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
two words: eviction party
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize