she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
