cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
