i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
