Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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