well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
