How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
