the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
