hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
