his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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