You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
