3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize