Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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