I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
