Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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