playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
