You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
