i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
