yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
