I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
