The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
