Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
honey bunches of taint.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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