just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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