a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize