if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
