I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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