It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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