i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
