Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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