There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
