You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
