There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
