please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
