I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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