She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
