I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
