i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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