she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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