I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
