Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
they need to just BURY HIM!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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