yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The air taste purple.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
