UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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