Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
