My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
