Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
