The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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