she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
