mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
