he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
