Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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