She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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