I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize