you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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