Your mouth is God's brothel.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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