So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
