We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
