i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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