I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
