...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
