My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
