I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize