just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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