I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
