I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
