she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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