So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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