I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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