hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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