You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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