VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
