Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My ATM looks so different sober.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
