LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
